My dear brothers, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen (hear), slow to speak and slow to become angry, for man’s anger does not bring about the righteous life that God desires.  James 1:19-20

     God gives a lesson in James on good communication and anger management in these 2 small verses. Step one: BE QUICK TO HEAR in the original language the word means “quick to understand or to grasp what is being said.” Our immediate response should be to listen. This runs contrary to our instincts. When someone speaks at us, we tend to be more reactionary than reflective.

     God put it another in Proverbs 18:13[Message] “Answering before listening is both stupid and rude.”

Wow, you can’t get more clear than that! And yet, I’m often guilty of that when my husband and I are in a conflict. God says, “Take note—pay attention to my instruction. Step one: Be quick to hear and to really listen.”

     Henry David Thoreau said, The greatest compliment that was ever paid me was when one asked me what I thought and then attended to my answer.

     It’s sad, but rarely do people listen with the intention of hearing what the person is trying to communicate.  When you really listen, here is what you are saying is:

You are important to me. I care.
I value what you have to say.
You are a priority to me.
Other things can wait, this can’t.

     Because people don’t generally talk about this, I want to be more specific about what it means to listen. The following people do not convey love:

The “I can multi-task while you are talking” listener
The “even though I’m talking to the children, I’m still listening” listener
The “don’t let my reading the newspaper keep you from talking” listener
The “walk in and out of the room while you’re talking” listener
The “I’m just going to rest my eyes a bit” listener
The “interrupt constantly” listener
The “I have thirty seconds” listener

      This makes me laugh. How often do we do this?(The one that cracks me up: “I’m just going to rest my eyes while you are talking.”) None of these “forms of listening” will convey the messages I mentioned earlier. John Ortberg writes: “Nothing binds one human being to another more than the sense that they have been deeply, carefully listened to.”

     We are asked by God to love others, and, compassionate listening is a deep form of love. It should be a lifelong goal. And we need God’s help! Ask Him to make you a better listener.

*Which of these “forms of listening” do you do?

Dear Jesus, teach me to love the way You loved. You heard people, You saw them, You listened and You loved. May I reflect Your heart to the people I love and those that You love. In Your Name, Amen.


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