The tongue is a small thing, but what enormous damage it can do. A tiny spark can set a great forest on fire. And the tongue is a flame of fire. It is full of wickedness that can ruin your whole life. James 3:5-6a, NLT
Every week in my college speech class, we were given a topic for our speech assignment. I can’t remember the topic for that week (maybe it was a life lesson we had learned), but a girl got up and began to talk about playing with matches. Without emotion or warning, she ended her speech saying, “And that is how my brother and I burned our house down.” What?! Did she just say that when she was nine years old, she burned her family’s house down? Yes, she nodded. I sat there stunned and couldn’t imagine what that would have felt like, watching your home and all your possessions turn to ashes, knowing that you were responsible. With a match. A small match destroyed their safety, security, their home.
A match can light a furnace and warm a whole house full of people, making them feel safe and protected on a cold night. OR it can start a fire and burn a down a whole house, leaving the people in that house without shelter, feeling defenseless and powerless. One person’s mouth can do the same; it can make everyone in the family feel secure or can destroy a whole family.
Proverbs 15:28 {Amp.} says, The mind of the righteous studies how to answer, but the mouth of the wicked pours out evil things. We give little thought to the damage we are doing, since we can’t see the flames, but some of you need to stop talking—pray first. Stop and ask, “God, what do you want me to say right here? What does this person need? How can I minister grace to them?”
Ask yourself, “What is the goal here?” What do you want? State it—without criticism. When it starts to get heated, work to prevent escalation of anger until you can get back to solving the problem. Take a time out if necessary. Why is this so important?
- D. Jakes says: Words can motivate or disintegrate, exalt someone or demolish them. More people are hurt by a tongue than by a gun. The worst part is that it is the people who love you and want to be with you who are most likely to be assaulted by your words. Stop—before you kill those relationships—before you destroy the people you are supposed to affirm.
You have the power to give people life. Make the commitment, with God’s help, to change your speech into something wholesome, something that comforts, encourages, empowers. If you do, you will be surrounded by people who want to hear you speak. You will leave a legacy.
It is not always easy to remind ourselves of these things when conversations begin to heat up, but it can save our relationships from extensive fire damage. “Words kill; words give life. You choose.” (Proverbs 18:21, Message) Moment by moment, you choose!
*What is one thing you can do to change the ways that you react?
“Set a watch before my lips, O Father. I want my words to give life, not to do damage. In the heat of the moment, help me to remember that I want to bless, not to curse, to work toward peace. Show me how to “study to answer.” Thank You for Your help, even in this. I pray this in Your name and for Your glory, Amen.
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